is that your final answer?
I've made the decision to recommit to surgery, and get it done. I think it's what I need to do to get my life back on track. It's what I need to do for me.
This decision was not made lightly, though. After three weeks of basically going completely off-program, after losing my first date because I couldn't quit smoking, I am done with this lifestyle. Smoking cigarettes is so terrible for me, I have to stop, whether or not I'm going to have surgery. It will kill me.
I think it happened because I just kind of jumped into the idea of surgery so quickly. It first dawned on me, and after doing only cursory research, I signed up and started going to doctor's appointments. I learned alot throughout the process, from doctors and websites and forums, and it has changed my view on surgery, or rather how surgery will affect my life. Many people say "Surgery is not a magic pill," and although I read it many times, I never believed it deep down. I was sure that surgery would change my life completely, that I'd suddenly have a perfect life. After learning that this was not the case, I wavered on the idea of having surgery. If I wasn't going to be perfect, what was the point? For the life of me, I can't figure out why I think that way, but it's the truth. So, to sum this up, I am done with my hiatus. Tomorrow (or rather when I wake up today) is the first day sans cigarettes, and if I manage to go smokefree until Monday, I get to call my case coordinator and reschedule for six weeks from tomorrow. I'm not going to worry about starting Medifast again until I find out when my date is, I only have 16 pounds to lose, and if I need to snack a little bit in order to quit smoking successfully, I'll take it. Quitting smoking is the first step I need to accomplish.
Signing off.
