Ah, the big one..15 days left as of midnight tonight..we're getting down to the wire now!
Of course, I have until next Friday, my final weigh-in at my pre-op, to get to 281.6. I was at 292 of my last scale jump, so let's see if I can get there.
I start classes tomorrow (yay, not)...it's going to be interesting. I have 3 classes MW, 1 TTH, and 4 F. So all in all, I'm taking 4 classes, or 12 credits. Not bad considering I'm going to miss a couple weeks for the operation and recovery time. Hoping for a speedy recovery! or else I'm doomed this semester.
Now, onto some heavier stuff..literally..I'm finding myself having trouble sticking to my diet. I am so sick of MediFast I could pull my hair out. So I've been sneaking snacks. I'm trying to control it, but the problem is, at the time it seems like such a good idea, then afterwards I am so angry with myself. I know it needs to stop, and I've made the resolution to be done with it. No more snacking! I want this so bad, and it almost seems like I'm sabotaging myself, probably because I'm scared. My fat has been a barrier for me since I got sick. It (and my caustic personality) keep people at a distance. I know that I can do that if I need to even when I am skinny, but being fat means I have my best friend (food!) with me, and I can rely on it whenever I need it. I have got to get out of this mindset or I am going to fail at this.
So, the resolution..
ABSOLUTELY NO SNACKING OR CHEATING. It's done, over. I have very little time to get to goal, and if I don't, no surgery. And I couldn't deal with that. Having it cancelled because I didn't lose enough..can you say failure? So I have to do it, lest I be rescheduled (gasp).
Wish me luck at school tomorrow, we'll see just how behind I'm going to get while I'm out from my syllabi.
Signing off, comment at will.
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